Glass
by fiery frost
Summary: [Senru] A gradual tracing of their relationship. Aiming for subtlety. chapter 8 finally up!
1. Walls

****

Glass

This is going to be a slash fic. Do NOT read if you are going to have opinions about it.

Disclaimer: I don't own slam dunk

__

There are many degrees of power in the world,

and nowhere is the difference in degree greater

than in the case of human will and human desire,

just as water boils at one temperature

and molten iron at another.

-- Foydor Dostoevsky

Chapter 1: Walls

Night after night after night. 

Sendoh would go to his usual basketball court and Rukawa would be there. He would be there before he came, and still be there after he left. Running, dunking, swerving, all with a frantic sense of urgency. Sendoh could feel the manic energy all the way from the other end of the court. And he never relented. Not ever. 

Sendoh drew his knees up as he watched the younger player. Something was missing, and he didn't know what it was. 

And not a word was spoken. 

***

Nights and days passed. Rukawa played, while Sendoh watched. 

Rukawa was too thin. _He's much thinner than when he first started playing this way. The IH is over, why is he so /driven/?_

He turned to go, when a cessation in the thumping of the ball made him spin around again, only to see Rukawa sailing towards the hoop, epitomizing…

Sendoh swore, then ran over to check on Rukawa. He had fallen short in a sudden loss of coordination; collapsed bonelessly on the floor. _He's fainted. Won't wake. Shit, /now/ what do I do with him? I can't just leave him here, he'll freeze to death. _

Sendoh looked down at the pale face, curiously vulnerable beneath the yellow glow of the solitary streetlight. Rukawa looked drawn, tense despite his comatose state. He felt an involuntary surge of protectiveness. _It's a rough neighborhood. He looks far too feminine for his safety... I guess I had better bring him over to my place... don't know where he lives anyway... _

Sendoh thought about it then shrugged. He doubted Rukawa here would blab to anyone about his apartment…it wasn't as though he was the /talkative/ type…

As the cab deposited Sendoh and his burden outside his gate Sendoh sighed, trying to find a way to hold onto Rukawa and press the lift button. He gave up, using his feet instead. He entered his apartment, then placed Rukawa in the guest room's bed, reconsidered, and lifted him to the sofa. _He is far too light. And he's soaked through... he'll catch something... better change him._

Sendoh emerged from his own room moments later with his smallest T-shirt and draw-string pants. _These had better fit. _They /did/ fit... in a loose kind of way. Sendoh frowned worriedly at Rukawa's thin frame, then carried him back to the guest room. _Better leave the air-conditioning off... I /really/ do not want any flu bugs in my house…_

Sendoh considered a moment, then placed a can of Pocari and a Mars Bar on the bed-side table. _I don't think he'll wake up before me, so it should be fine... I'm so /tired/…_

***

Rukawa woke to the smell of pancakes and strong black coffee in an unfamiliar bed and unfamiliar clothes. He looked around him and was subtly reassured by the spacious room that seemed to follow an interesting motif – silvery-grey and the palest shades of creamy colors. He relaxed back into his bed and fingered the blanket – softest silk that followed the same decorative style as the room. 

A can of Pocari and a Mars Bar stood on a side table, out of place in the refined atmosphere. _Whoever it is... knows my taste…_

Rukawa swung his feet over the side of the bed and padded soundlessly to the adjoining living room. _Could this be /Sendoh's/ house? It doesn't /look/ like it... but he was the only one still there. No one in /that/ neighborhood possesses this kind of house…_

Suddenly apprehensive, Rukawa moved to what he presumed was the kitchen, guided by the aroma and a cheerful whistling. His almost inaudible sigh of relief made Sendoh whirl. His hair was already gelled into his normal hairstyle and he was casually dressed in a Nike shirt and pants; he was surrounded by an amazing array of various implements…

"Good morning Rukawa-kun," Sendoh said, "I see you finally decided to wake up."

"Hello."

"Oh... you fainted and wouldn't wake up, so I brought you here." Sendoh said, correctly interpreting the questioning look on Rukawa's face. 

"I'm sorry to be so much trouble," Rukawa said. 

"Nah, no problem…" Sendoh said, "why don't you take a bath first, breakfast'll be ready in about ten minutes. Use the bath in your room's toilet and pick some clothes from the closet. 

***

When Rukawa had finished his shower, luxuriating in the warm water, he found Sendoh had two heaped plates of pancakes on the table, accompanied by some kind of syrup and what looked like orange juice. Sendoh was reading the latest issue of the Economist with avid interest. Rukawa eyed his plate. _I'll /never/ finish this... there's way too much... but it smells delicious…_

He slid into his chair to be greeted by Sendoh exclaiming something about shares. 

"Yeah, and did you know that it's already 10.45? Lucky it's a Sunday. So how are the pancakes?" Sendoh struck a pose. "I bet they are good... after all, I, tensai-basketballman Akira Sendoh made them!"

Rukawa couldn't help it... he had to say it. "Do'aho." He chuckled... Sendoh was just so /adorable/ to pout like that. 

"Hahaha... got ya to laugh." Sendoh grinned unrepentantly. "Now eat!"

***

Sendoh stared. The slender boy in front of him had only managed to finish /one/ of his pancakes, albeit it was liberally drenched in syrup. He himself had eaten five or six... and his /own/ appetite was nothing compared to the rest of the team's. 

__

No /wonder/ he's getting thinner and thinner... no one could play like he does on so little and remain the same... his skin is so translucent and his eyebags are still present despite a good 10 hours of sleep... and his eyes are like an impenetrable barrier…

Something happened to him... he isn't playing so hard to win... but to lose himself instead.

Unnerved by the way Sendoh was staring at his face, Rukawa shot him a look. Sendoh flushed, then tried to engage the silent boy in conversation once more. 

"Is this the first time you've collapsed? You didn't look very surprised to be here... are you feeling better now though?"

"It only happened once before. I woke up with my discman and basketball gone, as well as my money."

"And you continue playing like this?" Sendoh was feeling rather indignant. How could anybody abuse their physical well-being like this and not care? _But... he's not /my/ responsibility…_

"Oh shit! You probably need to call your folks... don't let them worry…" _Bastards! How can they let Rukawa continue killing himself like this…_

"…dead."

"I'm sorry, what?" _They're dead? It can't be... I saw them at the training camp last year... I must have heard wrong. _

"They're dead. Plane crash two days after the IH." Some indecipherable emotion flashed across Rukawa's face. Loss, anger, sadness…

Sendoh cursed inwardly at his stupidity at not connecting the Rukawa here with the well-published deaths of Mr. and Mrs. Rukawa in a failed plane hijack. _But the news never mentioned Rukawa by name... just that they left a son…_

"Mine too." Sendoh blurted out. Then he flushed, as he realized what he had said... not even his teammates knew that. They would only recognize the ever-smiling face of Akira Sendoh, resident basketball genius with no problems at all. 

Rukawa Kaede, second-year basketball ace of Shohoku and an orphan, was trying not to think. _It still hurts too much. They were there, alive, proud of me, then they were gone. They were /all/ I had. _

Sendoh was very worried. Rukawa was just sitting there, his icy mask still intact, yet... there were tears running down his cheeks... but his facial expression had not changed one iota. 

Sendoh inched forward awkwardly. The boy /needed/ comfort, and... who else was there... He patted Rukawa awkwardly on the back. As though awakened from a dream, Rukawa lifted glistening eyes up to Sendoh's ones. Caught and held in the understanding and compassion there, Rukawa choked back a sob. 

Sendoh drew Rukawa up with a hand. And just held him. "Shh... it's alright... you'll be fine…"

Rukawa could not hold back any longer. He let the last of his pride dissolve, releasing all the walls of coldness and indifference. Soon he was crying so hard he couldn't even think, just cling to Sendoh and sob. He didn't really hear what Sendoh was saying, only the tone of his voice registered in his grief, comforting, compassionate, caring. 

He cried until his eyes were sore and dry; he cried until his whole body shook with the hiccuping sobs. And all the while, he shivered with the terrible emptiness inside. 

Finally there just weren't any tears left – and he was warm – and more than warm, protected. And completely drained. Sendoh held him as carefully as if he was made of porcelain and would shatter at a touch; just held him. That was all. 

It was enough. 

***

"Done?" Sendoh asked a good while after the last of the sobs had gone. He tilted Rukawa's face towards the light with a finger. 

"You're a mess, kitten." Sendoh chuckled, making it a joke to be shared between them. "Do you do this often?"

"No," Rukawa whispered faintly. Then, more strongly, "never before."

"It's alright you know, to let that icy mask of yours drop once in a while. It lets the others know you're human."

"…"

Rukawa had fallen asleep again, exhausted after his emotional breakdown. 

__

Oh well... I guess he needed his sleep... Sendoh thought wryly to himself as he placed Rukawa in the guest bed again. 

***

Rukawa woke to find himself back in the bed. _Déjà vu... _Only, this time there was a note next to the bed. 

Heya Rukawa! I just went out to buy some groceries, be back soon. There's stuff to eat in the fridge and if you want to study, my second-year books are in the study room. (Turn left out of this room, second door on the right.) and now I have to hurry, shops are closing soon... am getting some nba tapes so do stay, ok? Gotta run, Sendoh. 

__

Is it that late already? Rukawa knew the grocery shops only closed around four to five on Saturdays; searching for a timepiece, he found that it was already 10 to five. 

Curious, he decided to explore Sendoh's house, at least partially. The study room was rather... austere, as though Sendoh could focus better without distraction. Extraneous items simply were not to be seen. But books were evident in their multitudes, covering any imaginable topics. Rukawa was silently amused; the basketball books were located furthest from the desk and next to a large, comfy-looking armchair. _Remove temptation indeed…_

Rukawa's eyes caught on a miniature placed almost out of sight, next to the computer. A younger Sendoh, about twelve or thirteen, just on the threshold of adolescence, coltishly long-legged and slightly awkward, beamed out at Rukawa, with a kind of innocence and joy that was reflected in his father's supremely prideful smile and his mother's tender look. The photograph had captured a truly precious moment, and Rukawa was abruptly somehow ashamed at trying to pry in someone's private life. _"Me too." Sendoh's eyes had dimmed in the shadow of remembrance, and the normally smiling face had acquired a pensive look... _Rukawa put the photo down again, replacing it in its original position gently. 

He glanced ruefully at the second-year books; he had had practice the whole of Saturday, and had apparently slept this Sunday away... _I guess I had better study; there /is/ a history test tomorrow…_

Contrary to popular opinion, Rukawa usually /did/ study, and do relatively well. Only... he had spent the days before the IH playing basketball, and had inadvertently dozed off during almost every exam paper. Which had landed him in a study session with 3 idiots. _Something that's not happening again if I can help it... _Sensei had just let him sleep in class after he handed in his first few assignments with a 92% average. Although he was still /very/ exasperated about it, there was nothing very much he could do about it. Not to mention the bodily danger involved in waking Rukawa up in class... or anywhere else... _that was a very good strategy... keeps idiots off my back and gives me an excuse to hit people. _

He had tested somewhere in the 99th percentile in grade school. But after a while, it was just too easy. He didn't care about his results anymore by the time he got to Shohoku. Before his parent's death, they would at least force him to study for his major exams. Now, he did just enough to keep the teachers off his back and himself out of time-wasting remedial classes. Currently, he was on history probation after having fallen asleep during another test, which meant he had to display some credible marks not to miss practice. 

__

Boring... even the cover is boring... Rukawa stifled a yawn. _K'so... I just slept. _He reluctantly flipped open the book. He blinked at the veritable array of pictures before him... apparently Sendoh had an hitherto unsuspected talent for drawing comics – he had transformed the previously dry and boring test into a tiny comic series squeezed in the text margins, /full/ of innuendoes and humorous digs at politicians. _Apparently I wasn't the only one being bored in history class…_

***

__

What do you do... when someone needs you help so /desperately/ that your barriers fall away... when you can't help but show a bit of /yourself/ in response to his pain... what do you do... when someone's shattered soul falls in pieces around you amidst your own cracked heart's barriers?

What /can/ you do?

***

Sendoh eased the door open, then brought in his haul of food. After putting the perishables away quietly, he went over to check on Rukawa. Finding the room empty, he went over to the study room. 

Rukawa looked up, startled, as the door opened to show Sendoh's spikes, then the rest of his head. 

"Aha! You're here! Look, I got the very latest match! Lakers vs. Wizards!" Sendoh exclaimed happily, brandishing a video-tape above his head.

***

__

Nothing had changed. Or had it? 

****

Author's note: 

In case anyone hadn't realized by now, I was trying to develop their characters /before/ jumping into the whole romance thing. 

It's probably not gonna move that fast... so do be patient. 

And yeah, this is my first fic, so constructive feedback is good ^_~ *hint*


	2. Barriers

****

Glass

This is going to be a slash fic. Do NOT read if you are going to have opinions about it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Slam Dunk.

__

Suppose I said

I am on my best behavior

And there are times

I lose my worried mind?

Would you want me when

I'm not myself?

Wait it out while I am somebody else?

Suppose I said

Colours change for no good reason

And words will go

From poetry to prose

Would you want me when

I'm not myself?

Wait it out while I am somebody else?

And I, in time, will come around

I always do for you

Suppose I said

You're my saving grace

- John Mayer "Not Myself"

Chapter 2: Barriers

They were quiet, and yet the silence was companionable, comforting even amidst the tension of an NBA game that was already over. Saw the dunk, steals, turnovers at the same time, breathed the same air. And slowly, as he watched, Rukawa felt the calm confidence of Sendoh's home seep into him, just a little.

The loud, bright colors of the television reflected off the surface of Sendoh's eyes, flickering, making him look as though he were happy and alive and full of the moment's joy in the game. 

__

It wasn't the same... he isn't happy any more... the light never reaches down and lights up his face with incandescent *happiness*... not like the picture. Even Sakuragi is *happier* gazing at Haruko than *he* is now... the light just dances on the outside... never the inside... does no one ever notice?

Lulled by the hypnotic babbling of the announcer, Rukawa closed his eyes in a subconscious effort to think. 

Sendoh glanced at the sleeping boy leaning on his shoulder in surprise. _Again? He slept for 10 hours yesterday, another 6 hours this afternoon... and can't even keep awake now. I wonder how long he hasn't been sleeping..._

In a way, Rukawa was indeed catching up with his sleep – but because he felt safe, because he could relax here, in a stranger's house, as he could not in his own. 

***

This time, Sendoh woke him at seven for breakfast. On finding Sendoh standing above him, trying to shake him awake, Rukawa blinked.

"C'mon, you'll be late... you still have to get your school stuff from your house... and your school is still 3 streets away." Sendoh said. 

"10 houses away."

"What?"

"My house. From school." Rukawa elucidated. 

"Oh. Come eat breakfast! There're muffins today!"

"Don't eat breakfast. Let me sleep."

"Not a morning person huh? But you should eat you know... tell you what. Since I normally eat 5, with your appetite, coupled with the fact you don't eat breakfast, you should be eating 2. Come /on/! Sheesh! I feel like a mother hen. Rukawa Kaede, wake up *now*!"

Groggily, Rukawa raised his head and realized Sendoh wasn't going to go away any time soon. He sighed, and made for the bathroom. 

***

Ayako frowned in concentration. Rukawa was strange today... he didn't look in the least bit fazed by the prospect of a grueling 5km run around the neighborhood. Instead... he looked almost relieved? 

"Nyahahahaha! The tensai will show everyone his great stamina! Not like *Mic-chy*!" Sakuragi was interrupted by a certain paper fan. 

"Shut up, you *junior*! I have GOOD stamina!" 

"Thack!" 

"Ayako—"

"Do'ahos."

"Teme kitsune!"

"Thack!" "Thack!"

"Shut up and run!" Ayako yelled, pulling out a stopwatch. Eyeing Rukawa, she decided she must have been mistaken, she could not have seen that strange flicker. 

***

He hadn't felt like running for days, and even if he had, he was sure he would never have had the energy. Today... maybe the feel of the air rushing past his face would clear his head and make him think better. Maybe it would exhaust him and make him sleep. Sleep without dreaming. 

He pushed himself, harder, faster. 

***

Ayako stared. Long before she had expected to see any of them returning, Rukawa was in sight. He had a kind of floating pace that literally ate up the ground. Before she knew it, he was in front of her, then behind her, walking into the school with a lithesome grace that reminded her with a stunning blow just how /beautiful/ he was. _Now I remember... just why *he* is the key to our success... *and* the victim of fangirls..._

Snapping out of her reverie, she saw a bright red riot of hair come into sight, along with something that sounded suspiciously like "Ore wa tensai" interspersed with "baka kitsune". 

_I swear, sometimes I think Sakuragi ought to be declared a public health menace... that kind of "singing" should be illegal! _

***

Koshino was kind of worried. His best friend had been distracted the whole day and had just given him a puzzled look upon being asked what he had planned for basketball practice today. Make that *very* worried. 

"Earth to Sendoh Akira. Earth to Sendoh Akira... come in Sendoh..." intoned Koshino in a low voice while waving his hand in front of Sendoh's face. 

It worked. Sendoh's eyes focused on him. 

"Huh?"

"I said," Koshino repeated with the /utmost/ patience, "that there is basketball practice, what are we going to do today." 

"Oh that." Sendoh said. "Err... I've got a Physics tutoring session today, so you'll have to take them out for warm-ups." 

"Ok. So, what *are* you brooding about anyway?" Koshino asked out of curiousity. "Have you *finally* decided to let us into your flat? I mean, what's the harm? Your parents won't mind, right?"

"Nah, some other time." 

***

Rukawa unlocked the door to his house and felt an abrupt surge of loneliness at the dark interior. The curtains were still drawn, everything exactly as he had left it this morning. He stepped over the threshold, then went to his room. The floor was cold beneath his feet and the house seemed somehow... desolate, devoid of life. 

_It doesn't matter... nothing matters... _He changed rapidly, grabbed a basketball and cycled to the basketball court. 

Closing his eyes and listening to his discman, Rukawa let his body settle into the familiar configurations for riding his bike, automatically turning left just *there*, steering past the missing drain cover just *there* and driving across a car... A loud honking alerted him of a lorry... and that it would stop for him. He rode on. 

As usual, the little-known court was empty when he arrived. As far as he knew, only the neighborhood children played here in the day. *He* played in the night. Sometimes, Sendoh would come, but no one else did. But /he/ came later, and this time it was his alone. 

Playing, playing, playing. Playing until his chest heaved with effort; playing until he sobbed for breath; playing until he couldn't think beyond the haze of exhaustion. Until he was an empty shell... and could forget who he was. 

Until dreams and reality merged. 

/_Kaede, be good, ok? We'll be back in a few days. Remember to study. Don't miss us, we'll be back before you know it."/_

/Kaede, if you are reading this, sorry that we had to leave you behind. We love you. You should live your life. Don't mourn for us; we will always be with you, our son./

/Silvered reflections. A mirror with a thousand faces... none of them his. Just the unbearable hurt./

***

Sendoh eyed the basketball in his hand wistfully. He wanted to play... but his stomach seemed determined to win this match-up. It growled loudly in victory and Sendoh went to get his wallet. 

Hearing the familiar sound of a basketball at Rukawa's usual court on his way to dinner, Sendoh decided to take a detour.

"Hey."

"Sendoh."

"Wanna go for dinner? My treat. You look exhausted. Why not call it quits for the day?" Sendoh said.

Rukawa paused to consider. 

"Ok."

***

Somehow, dinner evolved, and when Sendoh and Rukawa emerged from the tiny bistro, it was past midnight. Their shadows danced around them, propelled by the various streetlights. But no one noticed. 

"Have you ever really looked at the moon?" Sendoh asked. 

Rukawa was silent, but gazed up with him at it. 

"It's truly reflected glory. Literally. But you know that, don't you? One can look at it without flinching, and through its pale radiance, see something of the fiery core of the sun."

Sendoh's words seemed to wake something within him; something that had been dead and dormant for years. Abruptly uncomfortable, he dropped his head and realized they had come to a stop in front of his bike.

"Goodbye."

Sendoh gazed at the deeper darkness amidst the shadows that was Rukawa, and thought of nothing and everything. 

Author's Note: 

Like I said before, I write /slowly/. Feel free to comment. 


	3. Falling

****

Glass

This is going to be a slash fic. Do NOT read if you are going to have opinions about it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Slam Dunk.

__

"I saw the days of the year stretching ahead like a series of bright, white   
boxes, and separating one box from another was sleep, like a black shade.   
Only for me, the long perspective of shades that set off one box from the   
next had suddenly snapped up, and I could see day after day after day   
glaring ahead of me like a white, broad, infinitely desolate avenue.  
It made me tired just to think of it.   
I wanted to do everything once and for all and be done with it."   
- the bell jar, by Sylvia Plath

Chapter 3: Falling

Outside the window, the night's peace was rudely broken by the sudden deluge of rain that fell in a sheet of grayness. The sleeping boy was briefly illuminated by a flash of lightning, his pale face ghostly against the whiteness of his pillow. He shivered involuntarily as the wind swept through the open window, stirring uneasily as the wind drove the window's shutters into the wall in sudden bursts of sound. 

He woke in a sleep-induced haze of lethargy and blinked at the window, seeming to have forgotten why he had woken. But as the wind banged the shutters again, he seemed to wake fully and see the rain being swept in with the wind to drench the papers scattered on the table beneath the window. 

"Shit!" Rukawa exclaimed with a grimace of anger at his own careless stupidity. Slamming the windows shut, he stared at the mess of running inks and smudged words before moving to hang them up in various places to dry. 

Sitting back down on the edge of his bed after a period of frantic activity, Rukawa sighed tiredly as he gazed at his room. Then, his gaze caught by the scene outside, moved across the room to stand in front of the window. 

It was still raining heavily, but the thick clouds had not obscured the moon. Rather, they seemed to frame it. 

__

Have you ever really looked at the moon? Sendoh's words echoed back at him. _It's truly reflected glory_. _Literally. But you know that, don't you? One can look at it without flinching, and through its pale radiance, see something of the fiery core of the sun. _

"I used to see it..." Rukawa whispered into the night air, "but not anymore... it's become clouded somehow, its brilliance dimmed."

* * *

Elsewhere, Sendoh was also awake. But the moon's beauty was lost to the boy; he drew up his legs and tucked his head down, out of sight. He had headed to the rooftop after reaching home, heedless of the rain that had started to drizzle down. 

__

I... don't know what to think anymore. I actually felt comfortable. It was... a strange feeling to have. He didn't measure me; didn't expect me to be anything other than who I am. 

But I didn't know what to do. I don't quite know who I am anymore. Can't find myself. I've hidden myself far too well... thrown away the key. 

* * *

It seemed like a forgotten dream to him when he woke; like something ethereal had drifted across the plains of memory as he slept. He stayed perfectly still, hoping to coax the wisp of a thought back into his conscious control. It eluded him, instead leading him towards a recollection of the previous evening. 

__

Real? So strange then, and out of the ordinary; to feel rested, and not the bone-weary exhaustion that came from... Rukawa shook himself, refusing to let memory claim him.

It was just so simple sometimes, to just let one's self fall into a routine... and never get out again. He wheeled out his battered bike and started to ride to school. 

Brief oblivion, then the babble of a normal day woke him again. A faceless mass of voice and noise, it pushed at him. He almost winced, but then it subsided for a moment while the girls drew breath. 

"RUKAWA!" 

"WE LOVE YOU!"

He wondered at their stupidity. Then about their sanity. _But... I wonder about their sanity. Is my sanity any more intact than theirs?_

* * *

Darkness. Droning voice complete with the lulling whirl of fans overhead. Rhythmical scratching of pencil across paper. Ah... classroom. But why was he awake? Rukawa pondered this as he cradled his head within the welcoming circle of his arms. No one seemed to have awoken him; he must have woken up of his own accord. 

No particular reason, yet there was a strange dissatisfaction there somehow. It was as though his usual calm and placid escape into sleep was gone; there was only that strange tenseness... a mentally imagined jerk and stop of the fist as it stopped, inches away from destruction. 

Rukawa seemed to have gone completely still, but a hairline tremble of his body betrayed him. But then, no one noticed, or would have noticed. Because people don't look that closely, secretly afraid that the object of their infatuation would become ordinary as they watched. 

So they... accepted whatever façade he chose to show. And he didn't mind, not really anyway, because... he too was afraid. Too close for comfort. 

And as Rukawa held himself still, he trembled with the force of the suppressed violence. And still the lesson continued, as though nothing was different. 

* * *

When he played, it was with an intensity unmatched by any other in the gym. The hidden tension in the gaze; that uncanny focus on his opponent sharpening actions and providing unparalleled impetus. It was like the days before the IH again, Ayako thought. 

__

Like... She struggled for words to describe the youth who, even now, was speeding back down the court and flying towards the hoop, his dark head an inky blackness against the bright lights behind him. _Like the dark sea at night crashing into rocks... all speed and power and dark beauty. No, that isn't right. He is darkness and pale skin and grace together..._ She shook her head to remove the disconcerting thoughts. 

__

He draws all eyes to him. 

* * *

"Hey." 

It's night again, and he approaches the other boy, whose face is turned upwards, darkness casting his face into shadows, as he stands just outside the circle of light created by the single streetlight; A solitary dark mass so clearly silhouetted against the light. He isn't playing tonight, just standing there, a basketball next to his feet. 

Sendoh goes to stand next to him, trying to see what he sees in that small patch of sky visible between the clouds. There's nothing there, just sky. A darker patch of sky framed by clouds rimmed with soft light reflected off the hidden moon. 

"I know." An almost inaudible whisper reaches his ears as Rukawa turns to face him. "I always knew."

"I just had to look up again."

Rukawa gazes at him, and he smiles beneath that look of surprise and wonder; A small smile that just lifts the corners of Sendoh's lips, an unconscious physical expression of the sudden light in his eyes. 

And briefly, just briefly, Rukawa wondered at the sudden ache in his chest at that smile. 

__

***~~~***

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! Please feel free to comment on the story and ways in which I can improve and develop it further. And yes, it /is/ my first fic. And I'm really /really/ sorry for taking ages... *makes puppy eyes* Ehehehe... gomen, but I don't really have an excuse. Thanks to sylphide-chan for helping me check my extremely illogical grammar:) 

As for the title, I chose 'Glass' because... it's such a simple word, yet it can convey such a myriad of meanings. When you look at glass, you focus your sight beyond it. Glass protects. Glass imprisons. And glass in prism form transforms whiteness into color; changes the world you see. 

****

Star of Recca aka Kitsune: Yes well... you haven't written anything for ages. **Kurapica**: Thank you! Hope you like this chapter! **G Lee**: Gee, thanks so much... I've read your stories and liked them too! **Arachay**: haha... honoured that chache would actually like my fic:P **Yumehime Yana Hossuru**: thank you for putting me on your fav list:) **SLL**: Thanks... I'm flattered that you think so highly of my fic. **Leviathan**: yeah...I agree that it isn't "purely love". I dunno... but I think it's somehow need and wanting and friendship and trust all mixed up somehow. **Jo-sen7**: lol... as you can see... I'm taking /ages/. **Illuvenis Telperien**: thank you so much! Can see you're really a fan of senru:D **Anduril**: Yeah... I liked those words too. **Kataren**: haha... thank you... I /was/ trying for depth of character... glad that I succeeded. **Simply Kim**: lol. I loved that part too! (even though I wrote it *g*) **Firenze: **Thanks:) I am continuing... at last. **Akira**: I hope that the second chapter explained that:) **Joana: **Thank you! I was aiming to make readers believe that this /could/ happen. **FaNTaSY-GuRL: **Yup, the senru pairing rox! **KIM: **Thank you:) Hope that I can continue this way. **Lou: **Thank you. I'm really glad that they are in-character. **SakuraStarlight: **Nope, haven't got a pic of them... Though I wish I did:D


	4. Abyss

****

Glass

This is going to be a slash fic. Do NOT read if you are going to have opinions about it. Disclaimer: I do not own Slam Dunk. Thanks go to aki midori for help with characterization. 

__

After they had explored all the suns in the universe, and all the planets of all the suns, they realized that there was no other life in the universe, and that they were alone. And they were very happy, because then they knew it was up to them to become all the things they had imagined they would find. -- Fifth of July, by Lanford Wilson

Chapter 4: Abyss

__

Warmth. Steam. Fog. Gliding wetness all across him. Where? Rukawa woke slowly, as he always did; his body automatically going through the motions of bathing. He blinked beneath the bangs that were straggling into his eyes, momentarily confused as to just where he was, then relaxing as he realized that he was at home, cocooned in the warmth of the water. 

He felt his mind slowly awakening from its haze of sleep; remembered that it was a Saturday – 

"K'so." Cursing as images of a paper-fan wielding manageress and Gor-no-_Captain_ assaulted him, Rukawa grabbed a towel, nearly slipping in his hurry. 

He was half-way to the door when he remembered that no, there was no training, but yes, he _did _have to wake up. Sendoh was waiting; and there was a barely noticeable smile on his face at the thought. 

There would be the almost lazy greeting, then the tension that built as they shot hoops, culminating in an explosive match that lasted minutes. _Decades in seconds, eternity in minutes. _Then showing off, new tricks and fancy footwork, each trying to outdo the other; and that smile. 

Not the habitual flash of teeth for him. Never that. Rather, the slow kindling of light in _his _eyes, the wakening of energy that faded when he wasn't there. 

***

"Stay."

Rukawa turned around, startled at the layer of longing that seemed, to him, to lie just below the casual request. Puzzled, he gazed at Sendoh, who seemed to be completely unaffected. _Did I just imagine that? _

"Come on, let's go for lunch together... I'm starving!"

The ubiquitous smile was back, like a layer of plastic on cracked glass. Rukawa nearly refused, then remembered the desperation from earlier, that longing for human company. 

***

Yukari giggled helplessly as she fluttered her eyelashes at them, thanking her lucky stars for sending her not one, but _two _gorgeous hunks today. (Normally, she would be content with even one half-way decent-looking specimen, but today... she nearly swooned in joy.) 

Sendoh flashed a smile at her as he asked for the menu, sending her into further paroxysms of delight. 

Rukawa rolled his eyes. 

"Of _course _you may have the menu, sir. It is my _pleasure _to serve you, sir." She fluttered, then attempted to cat-walk to the counter in her quest for the menus. It looked rather like the flouncing pink flamingos in some unnamed film, not aided of course by the presence of little frills around her 'outfit' that bounced along with her strides in some parody of a counterpoint. 

Someone sniggered. 

*** 

Sendoh was chattering again. That moment where the façade had cracked was over, and Sendoh had slipped that smile on again, a mask so familiar and well-known that it was part of him now. 

Rukawa frowned slightly, then stabbed at a french fry, wondering what had possessed him to agree to lunch when he still had to finish grocery shopping before going home. 

*** 

Lingering longingly over a pizza that would be far too large for him alone, Sendoh was startled to hear Rukawa's deep voice behind him asking if there was a smaller portion of frozen yoghurt available. Brightening up immediately, he walked over in time to hear the negative reply and to see the faintest moue of discontent on Rukawa's face. 

"Hey."

Looking up from the container he was holding, Rukawa 'hnned' in reply, then raised an inquiring eyebrow. 

"What a coincidence huh?" Sendoh answered. "Anyway, wanna share the groceries? 50-50? I want pizza... and it isn't particularly nice warmed the second time round... so..." trailing off hopefully as he looked at Rukawa. 

Raising an eyebrow in silent enquiry, Rukawa stared at the boy in front of him. Then said, completely straight-faced, "You mean you couldn't finish a giant-sized pizza after having had two bowls of noodles, one plate of rice and enough snacks to feed Sakuragi for lunch?" 

"Normally I'd eat less for lunch, eat most of it and throw the rest away." Sendoh said, completely oblivious to the sarcasm in the younger boy's face. "Why? What are you having?" 

Rukawa looked down at his basket. Looked at Sendoh's, the overflowing state of the older boy's making his point abundantly clear. 

"Well then.. what's the problem? You can just come over and eat too!" Sendoh said gleefully. 

"..."

"We could get the frozen yoghurt too! And the ice-cream! And the caramel!" 

"..." 

***

And the days and nights and days congealed together and flew past, and one day they found they had each others' house keys and shared the same pool of groceries and always had a spare bed ready. 

And one day when Sendoh comes home late he finds Rukawa sprawled on the table, raven head buried in a pile of math problems and a cooling cup of coffee placed in the exact same position it had been in for the past days – exactly 2 inches away from his right elbow in the perfect position. 

And Sendoh smiles at the sight and warms the pizza he bought before waking him. 

*** 

it is night again, and they walk together in silence – unbroken save for the tread of their footsteps; one faster, one slower. But still they walk abreast. 

That round iron ring beckons, and they play. Only now they know what the other will do even before he does so. And so neither is surprised, when again, that silver hoop remains untouched in its cold beauty when they leave. 

A million different ways and methods have been tried. But someone who knows where you go and how you think is someone you cannot beat. 

*** 

Anzai-sensei knows when he sees him play. Takato-sensei knows. But it's alright, to play with another school's player; because they are happy, in a lightening of step and look and smile. 

It's not that their styles are merging and changing. No; if it had been quite so simple there would have been the token protest. Rather, it was the strengthening of their _own _styles, so that it became something new, something that made people _remember _them, remember the game that contained some spark of each player's essence. 

Akagi knows it the moment he sees that certainty in Rukawa's eyes as he plays on, heedless of the tall figure standing unnoticed in the doorway. It is the certainty _he _sought, that thiswas what he wanted, that all those might-have-beens were not, would never be meant for him. 

*** 

It isn't like they don't play with others; they do, in the random street matches and school practices that fill their lives. It's just that the feeling of dunking over Sakuragi's stunned and fuming red head is nowhere near the sheer exhilaration of doing so over Sendoh's; the knowledge that at any moment he could be just behind, ready to bat the ball away again. 

There's nothing quite like their matches. 

A/N: Nothing much to say really... but I'd really like it if you were to tell me how this style worked for the story. Constructive criticism always welcome. 

Do drop a note, even if it's just to let me know you've been reading it:) 


	5. Trust

Disclaimer: I do not own Slamdunk. Damn. And here I thought I could retire.

For the AxK ML

_Those final weeks, spanning end of summer and the beginning of another autumn, are blurred in memory, perhaps because our understanding of each other had reached that sweet depth where two people communicate more often in silence than in words: an affectionate quietness replaces the tensions, the unrelaxed chatter and chasing about that produce a friendship's more showy, more, in the surface sense, dramatic moments.  
__-- Breakfast at Tiffany's, by Truman Capote_

**Chapter 5: Trust**

It would have, /should/ have been a fleeting meeting. They would have met, battled, and passed each other by, barely recognizing the curve of a fine boned cheek or the remnants of a unique hairstyle ten years on.

But it wasn't and they weren't strangers anymore. Not to each other.

They would sit on the roof sometimes, the cool night breeze lifting hair and ruffling clothes as they leant back onto the cool hard slope of tiles beneath them. The moon would be there, as would the purple-tinted clouds; and there would be the slow leisurely sojourn through the meadows of conversation as they meandered through countless topics (or rather, Sendoh did, and Rukawa listened).

- - - - -

It was just so peaceful together. And under the soothing balm of companionship, that feeling of loss began to fade, and Rukawa found himself contributing whole sentences to the conversation, such as it was.

The first time he had done so, Sendoh hadn't even realized that it was /Rukawa/ he was talking to, and had just continued on, picking up the thread of his thoughts easily from his words. And Rukawa relaxed, unconsciously tense at the thought of someone fussing over the rare occurrence of his words. The time after that, he was able to offer the tiniest smile.

And before Sendoh realized it, they had been having an actual conversation. Half-way through arguing with Rukawa that the Lakers were going to lose because they were all temperamental divas, and Rukawa reiterating that they had /talent/, unlike certain people, it finally hit him.

He was /talking/ to Rukawa. Granted, this hadn't been an instant development, but still, for Rukawa to feel quite so comfortable in his presence was an achievement.

Impetuously, he pounced on the younger boy, cutting him off mid-sentence for a hug. And as they slid down the tiles of the roof with their combined weight, Rukawa shoved him off and grabbed onto the pipe nearby for dear life.

"Do'ahou" was the first thing he said after seeing that they were both quite safe, despite Sendoh's pounce. The baka was totally unrepentant, and was still smiling steadily at him from his perch on the edge of the roof.

_Was he totally mad?_ Rukawa wondered, not for the first time, gradually relaxing his hold on the pipe and easing down onto the roof again and looking for an explanation for his companion's irrational behaviour. _It better be good. He almost /killed/ us! _

There was the faintest hint of embarrassment as Sendoh slid over to Rukawa. "I just realized you were talking... "

_Does he have any idea how /stupid/ that sounds? _Rukawa snorted, and looked away. "What do you think we've been /doing/ for the last couple of weeks? Listening to your monologues?"

Sendoh grinned, and slung an arm over Rukawa's shoulder. "This calls for a celebration, don't you think? The speechless Rukawa Kaede, made eloquent by my greatness!"

"Your treat then, oh great one. "

- - - - -

He was /looking/ again, damnit. Rukawa stilled to urge to duck his head and remain silent, as Sendoh devoted his full attention to him again. He was just talking about something as trivial as the milkman's run-in with Karupin, his kitten, and he just /listened/.

Rukawa felt himself flushing, cursing his pale complexion, and stopped mid-sentence.

"Eh? Why'd you stop?" Sendoh asked. "What did the milkman do after Karupin pounced?"

Rukawa dismissed the feeling abruptly with a shake of the head, as he saw that their fangirls – formidable indeed in masses – had finally caught up with them.

At his expression, Sendoh's eyes widened, and said, "They're behind me, aren't they? A whole horde of 'em?"

Rukawa nodded.

- - - - -

Later, a waitress would swear that she saw two streaks running past her. And that there was a disappointed stampede – eerily reminiscent of elephants - when the fangirls discovered the reasons why they weren't engaged in more productive club activities like sprinting.

Or anything that required a modicum of grace _or _dignity, for that matter.

- - - - -

Later, when they had reached their normal spot at the pier, Rukawa had forgotten that strange moment of hesitation, and Sendoh had chuckled in glee at the prospect of fishing. Then promptly lamented the sad lack of a fishing rod, before – impulsively – dragging Rukawa to a freshwater stream that led into the sea nearby.

He then settled down to catch some fish with his bare hands, calling it tickling the fish – and a derivation of his genius.

Rukawa could have told him it was more like settling down for a long /cold/ wait before succeeding in getting a fish on shore. And then promptly losing it as it flopped back into the lake as he chased it around.

Watching as Sendoh scrabbled around in the mud after the recalcitrant fish, Rukawa smiled. Then smirked, as he stuck out a carefully placed foot – tripping Sendoh into the stream head first.

"Itai!" Sendoh exclaimed, "That hurts, Rukawa. You're so mean to me." And pouted.

And Rukawa couldn't help laughing at the picture he made, soaking wet in the middle of the knee-high stream and pouting like a child whose candy had been taken away.

Sendoh smiled innocently at him. Then exploded out of the water with the half-step that had gotten him through so many players' defenses. He pounced on the unwary Rukawa, attempting to drag him down into the water.

But Rukawa wasn't Shohoku's star player for nothing. His survival instincts kicking in, he backed away from an evilly grinning Sendoh.

"You'll pay for that... Rukawa." Sendoh declared.

"Hnn. Do'ahou." Rukawa remarked, staying out of range of the river and turning his back on Sendoh.

And promptly felt his back getting /extremely/ wet as he was encircled in a disgustingly wet, drippy and cold hug. Sendoh snickered into his ear, "Guess I'll just have to bring the river to you, ne?"

"Baka!" Rukawa shoved him off, feeling the water start to seep into his T-shirt. "I don't have a change of clothes, idiot."

"Your house /is/ just ten minutes cycling from here, you realize." Sendoh cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Hnn. "

"It was just a /biiiit/ of water. "

"..." 

"I'm dripping you know."

"..."

"And it's /your/ fault."

"..."

"Fine, fine. I'm sorry, alright?" Sendoh looked at Rukawa's back, and conceded, "I'll treat you to dinner, ok?"

"Hnn." And Rukawa started walking off. "Seven at Denny's."

"Huh? Hey! Why am _I _treating you when _you_ pushed me into the river?" Sendoh eyed the now-cycling Rukawa plaintively.

- - - - -

Back home, Rukawa moved past the hallway and into the living room. "Tadaima, "he said, bowing slightly before his parents' pictures on the shelf.

Stripping rapidly and stepped into the shower, Rukawa's eyes fell on the laundry basket and made a mental note to do his laundry /before/ Tuesday. There was training on Tuesday, and more shirts were needed.

Finishing up, he entered his room to look for clothes. Slipping on denim jeans and a Nike top, he eyed the new picture on his desk, next to the Shohoku team photo. Sendoh was grinning – as usual – as he grabbed Rukawa in an armlock and flashed the victory sign. He himself bore a resigned expression but the eyes spoke volumes; the happiness muted but clearly visible.

That hadn't been one of the days where they had gone fishing. Nor had they played basketball. It had been a perfectly ordinary day at Denny's, Rukawa having chosen Sendoh tutoring him in history as a 'reward' for making fifty-two consecutive three-pointers to Sendoh's fifty-one.

Mitsui had shown up, with half the Shohoku team in tow, brandishing his new camera (his parents had promised him one as a reward for the –unlikely- result of him passing all his subjects, which he had, all for the sake of his precious basketball).

Having taken photos of everyone on the team, he had wanted one of Rukawa as well. Of course, getting Rukawa to actually /agree/ to a picture was another matter. Enlisting Sendoh's help with the promise of a picture for him as well, they – the combined forces of Mitsui, Sendoh and the Shohoku seniors – had managed to coax Rukawa into the tiniest of smiles.

Thinking back, he unconsciously smiled at the memory, the memory of loud laughter and _companionship, warmth _all around him.

He was jolted out of the memory by the doorbell.

- - - - -

Sendoh was standing there, still dripping and unrepentant about the mess he was making on the doorway. Rukawa took one look and shut the door, fearing another wet hug in his clean, /dry/ state.

The doorbell continued to ring as Rukawa made his way to the cupboard. Fishing out towels, he went back to his front door.

"No dripping."

"Yeah, yeah. You fuss too much." Sendoh said as he dried himself sufficiently to enter without dripping.

"No shoes." Rukawa said, as Sendoh made as to brush past him into the living room.

"..."

"And don't you dare use up all my hair gel."

- - - - -

After dinner, they made their way to Sendoh's house to get the CD he had promised Rukawa over dinner.

"So... "Sendoh drawled, "Did you have fun emptying my wallet?"

"Hnn. Serves you right."

Handing over the CD, Sendoh said, "Well... if you'd rather /not/ borrow it, that's also fine..."

Rukawa snatched it, mock-glaring at Sendoh. "Baka."

The sudden movement startled him, and Sendoh moved backwards, allowing the previously blocked moonlight to fall squarely on Rukawa's pale face.

_Beautiful. _Sendoh's mind remarked unconsciously. Then his sanity returned, and he chided himself for thinking of his _friend _that way. Besides, the last time anyone had called Rukawa 'pretty', had resulted in a rather painful experience for that person.

- - - - -

_What do you do, when you don't quite know what's happening to you? When you're lost, your foundation shaken and unsure? When all you know, is that you don't know anything anymore._

**A/N:  
**I /will/ get to the yaoi. Next chapter. Promise.  
Review, please?

Notes:  
Do'ahou: idiot; also what Rukawa calls Sakuragi all the time.  
Baka: idiot  
Itai: Ouch/pain  
Tadaima: greeting when you get home, something like 'I'm home'. (I think.)

(anyway. I was gonna give a teaser - bad me! - but I realized it hasn't been beta-ed and is hence very prone to changes. whoops. )


	6. Spring

Disclaimer: Not mine, unfortunately.

Dedicated to **Simply Kim, **for the loveliest review that prompted me to actually get to work on this chapter.

Beta-ed by the ever-insightful **sylphide-cathayan **thanks dear!

* * *

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to be angry when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes, I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and I can't take it. My heart swells up like a balloon that's about to burst. But then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold onto it. And then, it flows through me like rain and I feel nothing but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.

- Lester Burnham, _American Beauty_

Chapter 6: Spring

It was spring, and sakura blossoms were in the air. It was the season for love and romance, for cuddling in deserted corridors and blushing really hard when your crush came by. You know, just in case he hadn't noticed the fiftieth love letter in his locker.

Sendoh groaned as the mass of letters fell out of his locker. What was it with girls and confessing on the last day of the week? When he had basketball practice and had to lug extra clothes and a basketball back home as well as the letters?

Really. They should be more considerate. Sure, he had lots of strength, but asking him to balance all that was quite impossible. After all, if he was going to go to all the trouble of reading all of them /before/ burning them, it would be the least they could do.

- - - - -

Fridays meant conditioning – lots of running, sprints and various exercises that never failed to wear the team out. The team followed Sendoh's lead as he jogged round the school, speeding up and slowing as required. Lulled by the familiar activity, his mind drifted back to the conversation he had overheard in the locker room between Koshino and Fukada earlier. Both boys had been talking about Japan's current rising star, Ayumi Hitashiwa.

"Have you seen the latest issue of FHM? They've got a centerspread of Ayumi in it." Koshino told Fukada gleefully.

"Yeah? Lemme see." Pause, then a low whistle came from Fukada's corner of the room as he gazed upon Ayumi.

Koshino having shown it to him earlier in class already, Sendoh knew what he was seeing. Ayumi was lying face down on a beach towel, and gazing at the camera with a come-hither look. Combined with the near-invisibility of the thong and miniscule string bikini she was wearing, the effect was extremely provocative.

_Ayumi _is _rather pretty. But I just can't find it in myself to adore her the way they do. Or to buy that bikini spread of her in multiple and jerk off over it. Hers is a beauty that is distant from me, it just isn't /real/, somehow. Not the way it is to them. I don't want to keep her, possess that skin or that figure all for myself. _

_There /has/ to be something _more_, something other than the vague pride in possessing a pretty doll. I want… I don't even /know/ what I want anymore. _

- - - - -

Rukawa was at the dining table, writing furiously, when he got back.

"Tadaima."

"…" The scribbling ceased for a moment as Rukawa looked up and blinked absently at the sight of Sendoh, then continued as the dark head bent down again.

"Test tomorrow? " Sendoh asked as he passed by.

"Maths assignment and Classical Literature test."

"Aah. "

Sendoh took himself off to the shower for a much needed cleansing.

- - - - -

Bearing two cans of Potari and a magazine, Sendoh wandered back into the dining room after he finished showering and eating dinner.

Rukawa had succumbed to soporific power of classical literature, his text spread open before him and the completed maths assignment placed neatly to another corner of the table as he lay on the table.

The loud greeting and offer of a drink died on Sendoh's lips as he watched the younger boy, unconsciously softening his footsteps as he came to stand next to him. One hand rested absently on his hair as he gazed into the night sky behind him.

The half-moon was rising.

Awakened by the gentle pressure of the hand resting on his head, Rukawa stirred, waking from his impromptu nap slowly, his head twisting around to gaze up at Sendoh.

Seeing the canned drinks Sendoh was holding, Rukawa tugged on Sendoh's shirt, bringing him down to the floor with him to sit at the table. Taking the hint, Sendoh handed over the drink, then settled against Rukawa's back comfortably as they leant on each other while drinking.

"Ne, Rukawa."

"Hmmm?"

"You /should/ go to bed, you know."

"Hai, little mother." And Rukawa smiled, a slow sweet smile that sent a frisson of something so totally unlike maternal instincts through him that he shivered.

- - - - -

He awoke that night awash with confusion and sick with dread to the stomach, his mind whirling with the disconnected dream images that shook him.

– watching /him/ sleep and reaching out – touching – that raven hair, his eyes – opening – half-lidded and darkening with something else as he reached out –

– _iridescent haze as he leapt into the sun -toobright- can't look never look away he'll disappear just like them –_

– _turning /his/ back on him –hurtfearwhy- then turning back again to laugh silently all his vision tunneling to focus on his lips –_

All him. Sendoh shook off his confusion as he pieced together the single thread connecting the dreams together.

_No. That's not it – can't be it. I've just been spending a lot of time with him, that's all. _Sendoh rationalized as he sat up slowly, the sheets twisted as if it were a nightmare. _It's just a dream. Nothing more. _

Padding softly down the corridor to where Rukawa slept, he could not help but berate himself for his utter foolishness. _I won't feel any different if I see him. He'll still be my friend, nothing more, nothing less. _

_I won't _let _it be different. _

_As if. _He snorted softly to himself, before turning the knob to Rukawa's door.

A smile twitched at his mouth despite himself. Rukawa had shaken off the blankets – again – and had evidently opened the window to cool the – now freezing – room. A tiny gust of wind blew in through the window and swept his hair off his forehead.

_Sprawled out like a cat, indeed. His kitten must be having a worse influence than I thought! _Sendoh moved closer, tugging the blanket tangled beneath slim hips out and snapping it out in a practiced movement to cover the boy, before sliding down to lean against the bed.

Gazing into the moonlit recesses of the room absently as he attempted to make sense of it all, Sendoh sighed. _Why is life so complicated? I didn't _want _this, /whatever/ it is… I just wanted to be friends, to have someone who knew /me/.. not as Sendoh Akira, but as me. Me. _

- - - - -

Karupin hissed, as he was smothered in darkness and the thick suffocation of the blanket as he was startled out of sleep. Batting at the offending material, he wriggled and clawed his way out from the cocoon, annoyed at the need to vacate the spot he had chosen, flush against his master's slumbering side.

Having freed himself from the confines of the blanket he was surprised to see the big human still sitting there, the perfect landing ground for his leap off the mattress making itself known.

He snarled, as the great lunk moved to stand up, petting /his/ _-mineminemine-_ master before standing there staring down at him. _Stupid big human. You should feed me. Me. Milk. Cream. Stop looking. Mine. Don't -_hiss_- touch! _

He sprang, landing on the big human's front, and demanded feeding with an extended claw.

- - - - -

The sharp intake of air was startlingly loud in the quiet room as Rukawa's kitten dug its claws into Sendoh's T-shirt, the owner of which promptly started an alarming series of facial contortions in a bid to prevent any sound of pain from escaping and waking the sleeping boy on the bed.

The figure on the bed stirred.

* * *

A/N:  
Minor cliffie? Heh.

FHM is a magazine that likes featuring bikini shots of women, as far as I know. I'm not sure whether it would be available in Japan, but just insert in the name of a magazine that fits the profile in your mind, and do let me know if you know of any in Japan.

Read and review! I totally adore all reviews XD.


	7. Knowledge

Disclaimer: Slamdunk and its characters are not mine. Pity; I'd have extended the manga and finished the anime.

Thanks to sylphide-cathayan and aki midori for reading through this and being positive about it all.

"My pain is ugly, Angel Juan. I feel like I have so much ugly pain," says Witch Baby in a dream.  
"Everyone does," Angel Juan says. "My mother says that pain is hidden in everyone you see. She says try to imagine it like big bunches of flowers that everyone is carrying around with them. Think of your pain like a big bunch of red roses, a beautiful thorn necklace. Everyone has one."  
_--"Witch Baby" (Francesca Lia Block)_

**Chapter 7: Knowledge**

Rukawa dozed in that shadow-realm between consciousness and sleep, hearing the faint creak of the door closing. Shifting position under the light weight of the blankets, he blinked open cobalt eyes to see an empty room.

Unblinking golden eyes met slitted blue ones, which widened in surprise at the weight of the cat on his stomach. One hand reaching up to pry his cat off his T-shirt, Rukawa wondered if he had just imagined Sendoh's presence by his bed.

Sitting up with his armful of kitten, he looked out of his window. It was a half moon tonight, and the round bright sphere above the brightness of the city lights reminded him abruptly of another moonlit night several months ago.

_"It's truly reflected glory. Literally. But you know that, don't you? One can look at it without flinching, and through its pale radiance, see something of the fiery core of the sun."_

Rukawa stood absently, stroking the warm bundle of fur in his arms as he looked out of his window.

_What if things had been different? _

- - - - -

As was his wont, Sendoh woke instantly, without any hazy transition between sleep and consciousness. Today he was in Rukawa's house, and the fragrant scent of miso soup was wafting in through the open door.

Rukawa had been in here, Sendoh thought with a start, the image of Rukawa gazing at his sleeping face giving him thoughts that would do nothing for the calmness of his mind when he next faced Rukawa.

The curtains were open, letting the sunlight into the room and directly onto his face. Chuckling, Sendoh took the not-so-subtle hint for him to wake up, sauntering down stairs/across the house to the kitchen.

Leaning against the doorframeuld have made, had made with him.

Some days, Rukawa wished that Sendoh had come to Shohoku. The loudmouth helped, much as he hatn which Rukawa filled out the shirt and loose cargo pants he had on, Sendoh swallowed involuntarily.

_Think of good thoughts, think of… basketball. Ka-Rukawa has improved so much. It feels almost like he's psychic when we're on the same team. He always knows exactly where I am and what I'm doing on the court. But then, I know what he's going to do too – it's just a matter of whether I'm able to /stop/ it anymore. Even if Sawakita came 'round now, he'd be hard-pressed to stop him. _

- - - - -

"Hey." The smooth baritone of Sendoh's voice drifted over, and Rukawa lifted his head in acknowledgement, countenance lightening as he saw the utter mess Sendoh's hair was in.

"I need to go back before school. "

"…"

"Left my Classical Literature text there… it's the first lesson today."

"I know. " _And now you'll leave again, your distinctive silhouette against the door. _"See you after practice."

- - - - -

Practice, and Rukawa was distracted again.

He jumped, flew through air that seemed thick as mired syrup and released a shot, his eyes tracing its lazy path through the air as it made its inexorable descent into the center of the net.

Unbidden, Sendoh's voice echoed at him again, the smiling idiot's face distracting him sufficiently for him to stumble slightly as he landed again, backpedaling to keep his balance.

And the other idiot was laughing now, the bright clear trumpet of his voice proclaiming to all and sundry that he was a tensai. Rukawa envied him his lack of cares – for the absolute confidence he had in himself, the absolute disregard for the opinion of others as he went about his own loud way.

He turned, stared at the do'aho, as the ball swished through the net behind him.

"_You need to smile more. " And that brilliant smile had flashed again, its brightness almost blinding him. "You'd be prettier." _

_And himself, whacking that spiked head playfully in mock-anger. _

Rukawa thought he'd go home early tonight.

- - - - -

The house was lit as he came back, and he allowed himself, just for a moment, to pretend that he was ten and that everything was as it was. Then he stepped into the circle of the houselights and out of the illusion, removing his shoes and placing them next to Sendoh's.

Sendoh had cooked tonight, the distinct smell of melted cheese and cooked tomato mixing together as he took his seat at the table. A sense of déjà vu hit him, as he sat there. Just like that first time they had had dinner together.

"Today's prac was really silly! I was passing the ball to Koshino, but he wasn't looking, so it hit him 'smack!' on the face!" Sendoh gestured excitedly. "By the time practice ended he had this lovely ball-shaped blue-black on his face."

Rukawa hnned and nodded appropriately. Sendoh… was always voluble the nights after his training. It was as though the pent frustration of knowing that he would always play at less than he could have raced through his system, making him gesture and talk and talk and talk.

He had seen it happening before, watched that minute frown grow beneath those spikes as the players around him fumbled to catch passes, were too slow for the brilliant plays that Sendoh could have made, had made with him.

Some days, Rukawa wished that Sendoh had come to Shohoku. The loudmouth helped, much as he hated to admit it. Sakuragi's amazing speed of absorption had almost _–almost, but never quite - _made up for his inexperience. Fukuda's growth, on the other hand, had leveled off already, leaving Sendoh to drag the entire Ryonan team behind his own, explosive growth.

He wondered uneasily if the ability to know exactly what Sendoh was thinking was normal.

A/N:  
I hope you like this chapter. I'm not sure how many people are actually reading this now though, because I've been getting fewer responses as the story progresses. But I will finish it, even if it's only for myself – because I want to see the ending!  
Any C&C would be warmly welcomed:)


	8. Summer

Slam Dunk and its characters are not mine, unfortunately.  
Thanks go to aki midori for encouraging me when I needed it, and an unnamed friend who was also of invaluable aid.

"_Loose ends had a habit of tripping you up when you least expected it, particularly when the loose ends were human."  
--"Magic's Promise" (Mercedes Lackey) _

Chapter 8 : Summer

Kogure was surprised, briefly, when Rukawa turned up at his doorstep late one evening with an armful of kitten.

"Sendoh's going for the national team training."

"Ah." Kogure wondered how he was going to explain this to his parents. "How long will you be gone?"

"A week."

The kitten is small, and black, and likes sleeping.

Kogure finds out much later, from Mitsui, that in national team training, players are gradually eliminated from day one. Only the best survive until the last day – day seven. But somehow it does not come as a surprise that Rukawa only collects his pet the evening of the seventh day, appearing on his doorstep with Sendoh in tow.

- - -

He would have laughed at them, sniggered at the thought of that baka kitsune being so exhausted as to fall asleep; would have commandeered the other players' attention, but for the fact that the seat next to _him _was empty.

He glanced over again, at the sight of drooping spikes and slack mouths as two bodies leaned against each other like they had always fit together.

The seat beside him suddenly felt larger and colder than it was.

Sakuragi frowned, then put on his headphones and closed his eyes. The world was empty around him, but for the throbbing beat in his head.

- - -

The days of summer were fading.

- - -

Sendoh was away, suffering through Coach Taoka's annual end-of-summer training camp, and Rukawa was … awake.

The house seemed… emptier, somehow, without the sleeping presence of a certain loudmouth a few doors down. Rukawa stared at the blinking lights of his alarm clock.

03: 43: 56

He turned, buried his head under blankets as the ticking noise rushed into his ears, an oppressive stillness settling about him.

03: 44: 47

He had a history test on the Monday when school started again. And Sendoh had a math test.

03: 44: 59

He was going to stop staring at the clock, damnit.

…

Rukawa turned to face his wall.

His phone beeped, and he jumped. A text? At… 3.46am?

_Hi—I survived the first day of training and was only late three times! I was even early once (for dinner)! Sleep well and I'll see you in a couple of days! – A. _

_Baka. Go to sleep. – K. _

- - -

The late morning sunlight found him sleeping soundly, sheets pooled and tangled and hugging a pillow. The kitten was hungry, and made its hunger known to its owner. Jumping onto the bed after a precarious journey involving an overturned lamp and a shoe, mildly scratched, it made its way to Rukawa's face and started licking.

Moving away from the ticklish sensation, Rukawa turned over, ignoring the persistent animal. It definitely did /not/ care for the idea of it and its empty stomach being ignored. Attempting to scratch the human's back resulted in a claw stuck in a bed sheet and no response. Prowling upwards, it ended up on a shoulder, and its first sight of bare skin.

It struck! And Rukawa sat up very quickly at the sensation of two very sharp fangs in his nape of his neck.

At the sudden movement, Rukawa's kitten lost its grip, and fell, claws extended, onto his back creating two perfectly parallel shallow stripes of red.

"K'so!" Rukawa's shout echoed in the emptiness of the house. Hissing at the sudden pain, he promptly picked up the little offender and held it up to his eye level.

"That was…bad. Bad kitten. "

It mewed at him and attempted to swipe at his nose. Eyeing it, Rukawa decided it was probably a good time to get up and feed it before he suffered any further indignities.

- - -

Spooning out a portion of the kitten's usual fare whilst making sure not to step on the overly affectionate feline twining around his ankles, Rukawa contemplated the day ahead of him.

It was a day free of scheduled training, and free of any other obligations. He liked having days like this, with nothing to do but what whim struck him. Slouching back at the kitchen table, Rukawa tried to pretend that the house in its hollow emptiness did not press on him with its icy lack of _something. _

_Too many kids out at all the outdoor courts.. Tennis team booked the school's gym.. homework is mostly done.. the important parts anyway. It's just so warm.. as though summer were just beginning. _

_Maybe swimming. It would build stamina. _

He'd regret it, later.

- - -

The pool was crowded, of course - filled with the teenagers trying to desperately cram a few more fleeting moments of fun into the last days of another summer in their lives; filled with the children who shrieked, children who stared in bemusement at the sunlight rippling through water.

Rukawa attempted to swim laps, at first. After the third time he was forced to stop to prevent head-on collisions with various people, he gave up. Choosing the part of the pool furthest from the swimming class that was going on, he decided to just relax for a while.

The water was warm, and the sun was shining brightly. Rukawa closed his eyes against its bright glare, and was left with a spotlight on the backs of his eyelids. He wished, briefly, that he had thought to bring goggles.

And earplugs. As the various oh-so-exciting water fights took places in all areas, the water around him would ebb and crest around him in a mild tickling sensation on his cheeks. In the intervals where he was not mostly submerged he could hear a group of girls chatting. It seemed to be moving closer by the minute, and he groaned mentally.

_No-no-no. They will be shy and not approach me. They will stay far away. A shark will come and eat them. They will suffer debilitating cramps if they approach within two meters of me. They will see that I am not paying attention and be polite and stay the hell away. _

_I shall pretend not to hear them. Okay. What to think about. Anything but them. Basketball. Right. Next match is against Shoyo. Ohgod. Sakuragi's voice. Why does that hurt my ears even in imagination? You may truly be a tensai on your good days, but on your bad days you could be beaten by a rookie. _

_Up-and-coming rookies. Kiyota isn't doing so well lately, but still better than Fukuda. Poor Sendoh. It hurts to think of how he must struggle in a team like that. But still. The reasoning behind it is sound. There's no point in living life in a tropical hothouse like Sawakita Eiji. _

_Sendoh was hinting he had a new move that he was going to perfect during the training camp. It's probably a combination of his crossover and some other fake. Hmm… maybe I should cook something nice when he gets back. Nabe, perhaps. He likes that. So, mushrooms? _

The sudden rise in the volume of voices he could hear outside his little water cocoon forced Rukawa to emerge, chrysalis-like, from the water.

The sudden appearance of his pale toned body from the water seemed to have momentarily silenced the group of girls. His height, and the sharp features so in vogue at the moment appeared amidst a sparkling shower of water, as if he had stepped straight from the pages of a fairytale.

Glancing coldly at them just long enough to ascertain they were not _quite _intruding on his bubble of personal space, he decided to try laps again. With the ending of the swim class that had taken up a substantial portion of space, he was able to find an empty lane.

Rukawa was not a particularly fast swimmer, nor a slow one. It was the regularity of his strokes, and the ease with which he cut through the water that set him apart from the rest. That, and his developing sunburn. But, back soothed by the cool touch of the water surrounding it, Rukawa did not notice his back reddening as he swam.

Only after he had left the pool, and washed the chlorine out of his hair, did he notice the slightly stretched feeling of the skin on his back. Flashing back to the brightness of the sun against the back of his eyelids, Rukawa swore mentally. _Just what I needed, damnit. A sunburn to send off the summer. Brilliant of you, Kaede. _

- - -

"Tadaima."

"Yo." Sendoh waved lazily at Rukawa from his seat in front of the television.

"Hmm?"

"Ah, why I'm back?" Sendoh grinned. "One of the first-years' mothers kicked up a fuss at the though that her dear baby boy had no trained first-aider on hand in case he twisted an ankle, or heaven forbid, scrape a knee."

"Oh? So now what's going to happen?"

"Ahh… I'm not all too sure, but it seems that I might be going back again tomorrow… someone's supposed to text me if I am. Is there food for me? I cleared out my food before leaving… so much for a week-long camp."

Rukawa ran through his mental list of food. "Well, with your appetite, the only thing I have is frozen pizza – "

"Great! They tried to feed us this horrible green slop at lunch today. I think Coach said something about spinach." Sendoh shuddered theatrically.

Rukawa snickered softly. "It _is _a perfectly healthy vegetable.."

"Give me something _recognizable _as former plant matter any day." Sendoh sulked.

- - -

Rukawa cursed softly under his breath as his sunburn made its presence felt in the tightness of the skin on his back as he reached for the pizza so inconveniently stored on the top shelf of the freezer.

Not softly enough, apparently. Sendoh, ever-attuned to the rarity of the younger boy's speech, had padded over on slippered feet to investigate.

"What happened?"

"Nothing. Just a mild sunburn."

"Ehh? Where?" Sendoh eyed Rukawa's face which was as pale as ever. "And how?"

"My back. I went swimming today."

"Is it bad?"

"Not really. It feels warm, and the skin is too tight."

"Well, I know just the thing for it then!" With that, Sendoh grabbed his keys and wallet, and slipping on his shoes, called out, "I'll be back in a while, just going to the convenience store down the road!"

Rukawa shrugged as the door slammed and went back to making dinner. It did not _really_ hurt, anyway.

- - -

"I'm back!"

"Welcome back. Pizza'll be done in another five minutes."

"That's good. Look at what I got for you." Sendoh smiled sunnily from the doorway as he toed off his shoes and waved a green tube at Rukawa.

"Aloe vera gel! It works really well, I used it that time I fell asleep fishing with my cap on my head, and only my chin got burnt."

"Oh… I was thinking of just leaving it alone. It's in such an inconvenient area, after all."

"You shouldn't. Here, take off your shirt and I'll put it on for you."

Rukawa sighed. He knew how stubborn Sendoh could get about these things.

"…Fine. But only just before bed. I have no intention of leaning onto my chair and getting green gunk all over it by accident."

- - -

Dinner passed without incident, and they spent the evening relaxing in their own fashion, Rukawa sprawling out on the floor to read, and Sendoh watching a popular drama on television.

By the time Rukawa had showered and changed into sleepwear, he had gotten used to that slight stretch of pain that accompanied every flex of his shoulders and had nearly forgotten about Sendoh's earlier purchase.

That is, until Sendoh had waved it in front of him. At the sight of the green tube with cheerful lettering proclaiming the wonders of aloe vera and this gel in particular, Rukawa rolled his eyes.

"Oh come on. Would you rather irritate your burn even more tomorrow? It's going to be very uncomfortable when you play."

In answer, Rukawa sighed, and turned to face away from Sendoh, muttering, "This had better not stink," then started to take his shirt off. Tensing up as it scraped past newly-burnt skin, Rukawa slowed down.

Sendoh just stepped nearer, and with one hand, hooked Rukawa's shirt towards him, leaving plenty of buffering air for his back.

"Aah, what would you do without me?" He teased, helping Rukawa out of his shirt and starting to lather the gel on.

"Saa.. Who knows? I'd probably have a lot more food in stock." Rukawa snarked back.

"Ah! But you hurt me so." Sendoh exclaimed theatrically, his hands ever so gently smoothing the gel over Rukawa's back all the while.

"Ne, have you gotten thinner again?" He eyed Rukawa's back critically.

Rukawa tensed. "Just a bit."

"Just relax, will you? It's not like I can actually _do _anything about that.. " and in a faux whisper, "unless I forcefeed you until you burst everyday, and wouldn't that be a pretty sight." By now, Sendoh had started to slow the application of gel.

"Uh.. you might have to lie down on the bed actually, you're burnt all the way until your waist, and it's getting kind of hard reach."

Rukawa shrugged, moving readily over and relaxing on the bed.

"Ha, some people I know would kill to have me doing this for them."

"Hnn."

"Yes of course you're not them. For one thing you hardly appreciate me enough – " he winked, "– and for another, they wouldn't be _falling asleep." _

"Mm-hmm."

"Heh."

Finishing, Sendoh capped the tube, then left it by the bed. Pausing by the door to turn down the temperature and switch off the lights, he murmured softly "Sleep well."

- - -

As the door clicked close, Rukawa's eyes opened. Reaching out for the tube of gel on the table, he read the labels under the moonlight. "Refreshing, cooling, soothing. Great for sunburns."

So why did it feel like the skin where Sendoh had touched him tingled?

* * *

A/N:  
Yes, I know. It's pathetic for something that took over a year. And I can't say anything except that real life caught up with me and swallowed me whole.

Please, _please, _review.


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